Sabtu, 10 Desember 2022

You're Not Alone

anytime someone makes you feel unworthy or less about yourself

take that feeling

embrace it and make sure that you'll never intentionally

make another human being feel the way that person made you feel

you are not the opinion of someone who doesn't know you

you are not going nowhere just because you haven't gotten where you want to go yet

but you are your own definition of worthwhile

take a look in the mirror 

tell that person that he/she is beautiful is special and is important

when you feel down and depressed 

remember that you're not alone

there will be times when you feel like it's only you in your bubble

but you're not the first to go through it

it's going to be okay 

Rabu, 30 November 2022

work hard and be beautiful

work hard and be beautiful

until you forget your sad love story

increase your value 

be a limited edition not a best seller 

because classy love will come for quality women 

your love story may fail 

but not your career 

because success will also invite classy love

Selasa, 29 November 2022

if can't have you no one will

love someone to the point of exhaustion

until he shows no sign of getting better 

then after that let go

leave and disappear from there 

because that position is the lightest position 

to leave someone who has no conscience

you will not feel regret instead you smile and relieved

that the time is over

Senin, 28 November 2022

people come and go, but can't you be the one that stays?

marriage isn't, "i promise to love you until i stop loving you"

it's, 

"i promise to make a conscious decision

to continue to love you 

even when it's hard 

because 

i'm aware no one is perfect, 

but you are worth it"

Minggu, 27 November 2022

no new news from the past

no matter how happy the past is, it will never have the same story when it comes back

because in fact there is no way back when a relationship in the past finds a dead end

no matter how long it's been since the breakup or how much has changed 

the basics are always the same 

we can't change someone if it's not from within

keep in mind that if he is the best, there will never be a word of separation

we also need to realize that we are valuable not to look at the past and want to move on for the future

someone who focuses on the past, prevents themselves from meeting someone new

we will find someone just as great elsewhere

don't let yourself relapse just because your heart is still broken

don't let yourself be pulled back into the past just because there are things that haven't healed

the best we can do is use the past to live a better life in the present.

Sabtu, 26 November 2022

carilah seseorang yang

carilah seseorang yang 

bersamanya tidurmu nyenyak 

didekatnya makanmu banyak 

di sampingnya bebanmu hilang 

dan didekapnya kamu tenang

Jumat, 25 November 2022

i just want the memory of you to be erased, i'm sad because we can't be together

salah satu hal yang telah aku sadari adalah 

ketika seseorang berdiri di batas abu-abu antara iya dan nggak 

sudah jelas jawabannya nggak

karena kalau jawabannya iya, kamu nggak akan pernah 

dibikin bingung dan bertanya-tanya

Kamis, 24 November 2022

why the universe brought us together when finally separated

 just wanna say 

thank you so much for being here with me 

these last 2 months 

for ups and downs 

laugh and tears 

sadness and happiness 

thank you for giving me your back 

to keep me sane 

i'll see you around dear

Rabu, 23 November 2022

Selasa, 22 November 2022

can we go back to how we used to be, watching movies together, telling stories together and getting to know each other mas?

when i tell Allah everything about what i should do and how

Allah says 

don't worry I am the best to decide the ending of all your life stories

you can cry

you can complain

I even allow you to repeatedly waste Me

I will still forgive you even though you have betrayed and wasted Me

even your prayers which I did not give

beg you which one I do not listen to

be grateful for what is happening to your heart right now

I will soon replace it with happiness

if you are able to be patient with what I'm testing

Senin, 21 November 2022

i'm sure you still think of me even a little

i'm totally fine 

if someine walk away from my life

cause i know people come and go 

but you know what hurts the most?

you treat me like you're scared that you gonna lose me 

but 

the other day you treats me like a shit

Minggu, 20 November 2022

love disturbs the taste, i can't force it even though my heart screams

i hate it every time 

i realize how much i still wish you would come back

i also want to be like you who is fine after we parted ways

no need to show anxiety on social media

sleep well without having to cry last night

i hate it when i realize that i still here waiting for you to come back 

while you're already happy with your wife 

but why is everything about you still bothering me?

Sabtu, 19 November 2022

the best way is to separate because you and i can't be together

i'm taking a short break

you will always be my favorite character

thanks for the great adventure

Allah just wants to see you happy to make you happy

Jumat, 18 November 2022

how can you always be in my mind

my principle is that if someone can cut off communication

it means that he has lost interest in us and doesn't like us

i can stop greeting him as best i can

it's hard and difficult 

but i have to do it

patient and slow

i'll definitely get used to it because i've been in this position.,

Kamis, 17 November 2022

i said goodbye mas, we didn't get along

aku rehat sebentar ya 

kamu akan selalu menjadi tokoh favoritku 

terima kasih atas petualangan hebatnya 

ternyata Allah hanya ingin aku melihatmu bahagia 

bukan membuatmu bahagia 

mengenalmu

bicara denganmu

mencintaimu 

kini merelakanmu adalah anugerah terindah untukku 

logika tak pernah beriringan dengan hati 

ia selalu memintaku untuk menyerah dan berhenti bermimpi 

tak lupa ia juga menyuruhku untuk tahu diri 

i smiled

we were under the same sky at least

Rabu, 16 November 2022

because love will not deny it will not be divided

broken many times

in the end she chose not to attach his heart to anyone 

except God, family and herself

she now spends a lot of time focusing on things that can make her feel like someone who has been reborn

what she can still fix, she fixes what was completely irreparable

she removed so as not to get in his way

she focuses on career education and things that have been her dreams slowly but surely

the puzzles that have been separated from each other are showing their shape

see she is now reading with tears in his eyes that she used to say that

now able to prove if she managed to rise from adversity

now she makes a wishlist of what things she wants to make happen in the future

there is no partner in the near future

there is only me, me and the growing gratitude in it 

if it is true that being broken makes a person stronger

then she must have learned a lot of things that were full of disappointments

she who has now reached the point of "ya Allah i love myself the most"

then she is getting smarter to share his happiness with someone

Selasa, 15 November 2022

two bodies have been together for a long time

ya Allah jika doaku masih terhalang oleh banyaknya dosaku

maka mohon ampunilah segala dosa dan khilafku 

berilah selalu hidayahmu 

jika hamba mulai berbelok 

istiqomahkanlah ibadahku dan hidayah yang kau berikan

namun jika ternyata dosaku 

begitu banyak 

hamba mohon kabulkanlah segala doa ibuku 

karena sesungguhnya ya Allah 

doa dan tujuanku saat ini adalah membahagiakannya

dan semua doa ibuku untuk kebahagiaanku

dan kemudian dia akan begitu bahagia ya Allah 

jika aku juga bahagia

sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang paling Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang 

Senin, 14 November 2022

but you know, love can't, you can't blame

yes, now i'm alone

if someone asks the reason why my answer will be like this

i don't have to answer with a name

if someone asks who are you waiting for?

i also don't know what to answer

if anyone asks who else do you fall in love with? 

but what is clear is that i am waiting for someone 

whose goodness for him i always live in prayer

hopefully he will be protected, his affairs will be made easier and his religion will always be improved

i also don't know where he is, 

what his name is but i'm sure on the right day

someone i've been waiting for will come with the best version he has

i just need to be patient, keep learning and keep improving myself

i believe that Allah never breaks a promise

Minggu, 13 November 2022

remember i'll always be faithful to take care of you

pengen banget punya hubungan yang benar-benar terarah 

hubungan yang ada tujuannya 

bukan yang sekedar, "kita jalanin aja dulu ya."

bukan hubungan yang berdebar-debar hanya di awal saja 

bukan hubungan yang bisa selesai hanya karena rasa bosan 

ketika aku bertemu dengan orang itu 

ingin sekali ngomong ke dia 

"mari berbagi seluruh perasaa, ajak aku kemana pun kamu mau. beri tahu aku semua mimpimu. repoti aku jika itu bisa sedikit mewujudkan mimpimu. menangis di pundak ku jika dunia mu sedang hancur lebur. berlari ke arah ku dan peluk aku jika hal-hal buruk menghantam mu."

tapi aku juga manusia biasa

aku tidak ingin sendirian

oleh karena itu aku juga berharap hal serupa bisa aku dapat dari kamu 

jadi ajaklah aku di seluruh prosesmu 

libatkan aku dalam segala perjuanganmu 

tapi jangan pernah berlari ke peluk orang lain 

ketika hari-harimu sedang bahagia

i beg you 

Sabtu, 12 November 2022

Jumat, 11 November 2022

i want love as it is

romantize your life 

take pretty pictures

feel like the main character, light up a candle, read books, go for a walk, eat, ear and eat

dance your favorite music 

watch your favorite movie

buy yourself presents

do whatever you want 

be happy, this is your life 

don't let anyone take it from you 

Kamis, 10 November 2022

Away Too When They Go

it's scary to find someone that makes u happy

u start giving them all of ur attention because they're what makes u forget everything bad

that's going on in ur life

they're the first person u want to talk to in the morning

and the last one before smile

it all sounds great to have that someone

but it's scary to think about how easily they could just leave and take that happiness

away too when they go

Rabu, 09 November 2022

i already know we are impossible, but why do we always meet

now i just realized

the higest point i love you is where when i can calm down and accept the fact 

that indeed you and i can't be together anymore

you're the one I thought would stay with me but it's not

later, if it turns out that 

we need each other, miss each other, look for each other, remember how our story ended at that time

but, despite all that i still remember you

as a person who is able to love me well and perfectly

make me whole and always strong in all things

because after all, loving you is the best part of my life

i have never regretted this meeting and i have never hated you one bit

because i believe that Allah is never wrong in planning to bring the two of us together

previously, thank you for teaching me, many good things

thank you for always accompanying me on the steps that feel very tiring 

if i take it alone and thank you for the time, opportunities, stories, arguments, and the extraordinary love

that you have ever given

once again thank you very much and sorry if ican't be the best for you at that time

now i can only hope that happiness will always be with you

for now and forever

Selasa, 08 November 2022

of course i really love you

"perbaiki saja dulu dirimu, nanti biar Allah pertemukan dengan jodohmu dengan versi terbaik darinya."

"perempuan-perempuan yang baik untuk laki-laki yang baik dan laki-laki yang baik untuk perempuan-perempuan yang baik (pula)" -QS An Nisa 26

"tak perlu ragu, apa yang ditakdirkan untukmu akan mencari jalannya menemukanmu."

"doakan saja dulu diam-diam, tiba-tiba Allah pertemukan dan nikah kan asik."

selain jodoh yang baik, semoga kamu dapat ibu mertua yang baik, bisa dijadiin temen ngobrol, temen masak, temen belanja dan temen curhat."

Senin, 07 November 2022

your name crosses my heart, glitters across my heart

 atas izin Allah 

jika memang sudah ditakdirkan untuk bersama 

maka nanti akulah yang akan berada satu shaf di belakangmu

jika memang kita berjodoh 

percayalah 

se-asing apapun kita sekarang 

suatu hari nanti akulah yang pertama kali kamu lihat ketika membuka mata

tidak ada yang sia-sia atas doa 

tidak ada yang percuma dari menunggu 

jika sudah takdir-Nya 

sejauh apapun jaraknya, kita pasti akan di pertemukan

Minggu, 06 November 2022

heart can't turn away from you

everything that is meant for you 

will find you 

from people 

to moments 

to things

if it is for you

it will come 

and when it does 

be there

enjoy. live and love

Sabtu, 05 November 2022

how can i find a new love, when you're still on my mind?

Allah tidak akan mengambil sesuatu dari kita

jika tidak menggantikannya dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik 

semakin kita ikhlas 

semakin kita mampu menerima dan memaafkan orang-orang yang telah membuat kecewa 

maka akan semakin banyak orang baik yang berdatangan 

kunci utamanya adalah "TERIMA"

terima hal-hal yang mengecewakan 

terima kalau kita tidak bisa menuntut dapat feedback yang baik 

walaupun kita sudah berbuat baik 

terima kalau orang-orang tiba-tiba left and go 

terima kalau orang-orang tidak bisa mengerti dengan perasaanmu 

ikhlaskan 

trust me, hukum tabur tuai itu beneran ada 

tidak mudah memang 

tapi belajarlah menerima segala sesuatu yang terjadi 

Allah akan memberikan apa yang kita butuhlan bukan apa yang kita inginkan 

Jumat, 04 November 2022

thank you for loving me

thank you, you are very different from the others

sorry if i always want to win

sorry if i've ever been proud to start first

for you sorry and thank you for everything

i hope that i will be the destiny of your final destination

Kamis, 03 November 2022

you're my life even though you don't know i'm in your life

i didn't ask to meet and get to know you

but the universe is in control of everything

accidental meeting, brings us to a long feeling

which i thought at first there was no feeling so deep 

that i thought you were the house

i had been looking for

in fact

only i hope that everything will end beautifully with you

we are just two people blaming each other and hurting each other

you are the one who refuses to be together

while i am the one who forces us too much to be together

our story will only be a memory that i always remember every second

when you're with her

in fact i can't hate you

i want to hate you to get rid of this feeling

but in fact i can't. 

can i open your heart and eyes a little?

look at me, i'm the one who always comes back to you when you need me 

even after you hit this heart out with all your treatment of me

even after i hated myself i never hated you one bit

i know i'm stupid for loving you too much

but do i want that? NO

i feel like i'm trapped in a memory that doesn't mean anything to you

i can't hate you and i want to thank you

because of you, i understand that it's not always 

that we love sincerely will be returned with sincerity too

but i don't regret knowing and loving you in the slightest

maybe this feeling will stay the same for you

until everything is clear whether we are apart or together

Rabu, 02 November 2022

let me fill your day

i will accompany you in any condition 

as long as i'm the only one

now it's no longer about who is the best 

but about who can appreciate well

falling in love is normal

but falling in love over and over again with the same person is beyond reason

Selasa, 01 November 2022

after 58 days passed you just read my message

apply of law of attraction and finally you apologize to me war is over~

i've met a lot of new people, so your chat is at the bottom

then after 58 days passed,  you chat again to apologize so your chat now at the top

how can you chat with me via bumble on your wife's birthday, mas?? 

it's okay the important thing is that you apologized

my advice even if you are far away from each other

please, don't cheat with your wife and child by playing this dating app

if you feel lonely and need a friend to confide in, just talk to your wife and your friends 

what are you looking for in a dating app

if you're just curious, don't ever try

i just need your forgiveness, nothing more

because it seems that Allah has given the way

i learn

you learn 

so let's walk on own's paths

bye mas Win

when will you come dear?

i'm still imagining who is the man who dares to ask my parents directly

i'm curious who the man i will post on instagram with the caption "hello my husband"

who is the man who will give me a dowry not just flowers

and who is the guy who will ask me to print a blue background photo together

Masha Allah just imagining it's so beautiful

Senin, 31 Oktober 2022

i still remember when you took off your mask in the car, i was almost sure you were the one. but it wasn't.

you are indeed 10 even 100

but you like to lie

you are cheating

you are not honest with me even trying to take my heart to break

you are not satisfied with just one woman.

i cried when i found out that you are married to someone else

and your marriage age is in your 4th year

which means you have been married to your wife for a long time

i feel guilty about all of this

our meeting

our match

the way you hold my hand

the way you treat me

you are sweet to me

you tell me everything

but it wasn't long because suddenly you disappeared

i'm starting to accept that we are no longer us

despite my faults i'm sorry

regardless of wrong all hope

i have started to accept and let go that reality is no longer us

we no longer bring up mistakes and bring up each other

until we forget that we once made each other happy

i started reminiscing about the good times

the good times and the good memories

i will remember you as a person i once loved and as a happy person

despite all the things we've been through together

i just want to say thank you for everything\

thank you for being a part of my story

thank you for being my home

goodbye mas Win

Minggu, 30 Oktober 2022

do you miss every minute we spent with mas Win?

if you are single and looking for a life partner

look, see, value and choose a man who is not only good at promising and saying sweet words

but seeing from his actions.

how consistent is he on communication?

how persistent is he in his action?

don't get carried away fast 

be smart, take care of your heart and do a lot of consistency tests from him

let the man take the lead

learn to know your value and your worth as a woman and as a wife material

until finally proving his words with actions.

there must be a balance between his feelings and efforts and actions

choose a partner who can not only make you comfortable 

but can give you a sense of security because there is certainty in your relationship

Sabtu, 29 Oktober 2022

what belongs to you will simply find you

i really know ya Allah

that you are postponing something 

for nothing but a good reason

but if i may ask to expand 

my patience and sincerity 

to feel how beautiful your decision is

Jumat, 28 Oktober 2022

i'm sure you feel the same way, but you can't. uh can we do it again?

thank you for this 

it's nice to know you 

but it's just matter of time

again, thank you for being open, honest and your big effort as well

we're good now 

no hurts feelings

we have planned different things

now you do yours 

i do mine

looking forward to seeing you asap as a friend

Kamis, 27 Oktober 2022

i miss our conversations about anything, things i didn't even know before. i'm comfortable with you mas

everyone has story to tell

but not every story is the same

there are simple ones 

but there are complicated ones 

while others are uplifting 

yet, onethings remains 

the same for all us

Rabu, 26 Oktober 2022

you left me, it's not a big problem for me

the best way to move on

you work

earn money

increase value

multiply skills

beautify yourself

whatever it is that can keep you busy

believe when he sees 

you are happy

you are beautiful

you are independent 

he will regret anyway

be the best of yourself

Selasa, 25 Oktober 2022

one day you will find someone who feels lucky to have you

so much, so that i broaden my horizons and seek relationships

i finally found the answer why until now i still haven't found a partner

it turns out that my market is not in this city

why can i think like that? 

because, i do not have my own standards about finding a partner of life 

lonely? 

yes very lonely

i'm not hypocritical about that

it's just this "lonely" factor that makes me increase my value even more

not even lower my standard in looking for a partner

and always pray for the best

while looking for a partner whose standards are equal

Senin, 24 Oktober 2022

maybe this is the way for me and you

i used to have the intention

if i met the right person

i would take him to places he had never felt before

but either the universe doesn't support my good intentions or fate says otherwise

until now i have not been able to meet that person

the person i will take to explore the world with me

i don't know how long it will be like this 

but i always believe that in every great storm there will always be a rainbow after

Minggu, 23 Oktober 2022

yes you really don't deserve a better me

you deserve to be loved the way you love others

you deserve someone who celebrates your heart 

you deserve someone who wants to hold you for twenty minutes 

straight on a bad day 

and make you breakfast in bed and laugh at all of your horrible jokes

someone who respects you enough to be honest with you 

you deserve someone who communicates 

who nurture your soul 

who does not run from the love you have to give 

you deserve this

Sabtu, 22 Oktober 2022

not just a halfway house just to be played with

for my current age 

i don't want to search and nice try many times 

now if you are serious

say it

but if it's just to spend your curiosity

thanks i don't have time for all of that

Jumat, 21 Oktober 2022

so be more selective in choosing a life partner

please be careful to choose your partner life

remember that we can choose our husband

but our kids can't choose their dad

Kamis, 20 Oktober 2022

when i have to let it all go

be happy okay?

i'm letting you go with all my heart 

i'm not giving up 

but i know that you've found another hapiness

getting back to her is everything that you want 

i already know the whole story 

even i know to accept the reality is hard for me 

and i couldn't do it but i keep remind myself

that you deserve someone better

someone who can love you unconditionally and also you can rely on 

someone who can understand you more 

you know i love you so much 

but this is the best thing that i can do 

as my love for you 

i sincerely let you go 

i want you to remember 

i let you go because i love you so much

promise me that you'll be happy out there wherever you are!

i already guessed this ending 

so i'm not surprised 

i won't hate you at all so you don't  have to feel sorry for me 

may i use your words that you gave me?

"i made the best mistake that i won't regret for the rest of my life."

i promise that i never ruin your life anyomer and i'll disappear forever

take care dan goodbye, love

Rabu, 19 Oktober 2022

maybe in another universe we are together and love each other

mas...

i still hope in another multiverse 

i will meet you with the version that wants to commitment and capable of loving me 

we grow old together 

loving each other 

you loved me the most 

i hope it


Selasa, 18 Oktober 2022

i'm sorry if i love you, when you have someone else

i just realize lately 

kalau rasa sakit itu jangan di tolak 

tapi dirasain 

dinikmatin aja prosesnya

dan ga perlu waktu lama 

ternyata lebih cepat berdamai dengan diri sendiri 

yes, people come and go 

semua orang ada masanya dan semua masa ada orangnya 

semakin ikhlas dengan kepergian seseorang 

maka akan lebih cepat digantikan dengan yang lebih baik

Senin, 17 Oktober 2022

the best is coming soon for you

what will accompany you for life is his character

who will provide for you is his responsibility

what will glorify you is his morals

what will take you to heaven is faith

Minggu, 16 Oktober 2022

entah sudah selasa yang keberapa~

mas 

after you walked out of my life 

i thought long and hard about us 

i think our lives are where 

they're supposed to be 

we both have to reach our career we'd always hoped for 

just because we didn't end up on the same wave 

doesn't mean we aren't still a part of the same ocean, didn't we?

so, can you promise me if one day we meet again, 

would you fall ini love with me again? 

Sabtu, 15 Oktober 2022

the rain camouflages the torrential rain, close the tears. accompanied by my long-standing disappointment

Allah said :  

kugagalkan setiap bertemu dengan seseorang yang ku inginkan 

kupatahkan hatimu berkali-kali 

ku biarkan air mata mengalir deras dipipimu 

agar kau ingat dan kembali ke jalanku 

sebab aku tidak akan membiarkanmu menjalani hidup 

dengan orang yang salah

Jumat, 14 Oktober 2022

maybe you got the role, but only as a shadow

i thought you are my soulmate 

in fact

you are actually my twin flame

God sent you to give me the hardest pain to reach 

the highest spiritual level

Kamis, 13 Oktober 2022

why we try to survived if you don't love me anymore, everything is useless

in the end, humans only care about their own interest

without thinking about other people's feelings

don't get too attached 

because feelings change and people always leave

Rabu, 12 Oktober 2022

if i write a lot about you, it means you mean a lot to me

gak usah galau tentang masa depan 

terutama soal jodoh 

gak usah insecure dengan kekurangan 

semua indah pada waktunya 

tugasmu cukup rawat dirimu 

prioritaskan pendidikanmu 

bentuklah dirimu agar memiliki value terbaik 

bertata krama dari ucapan ataupun tindakan 

jadila perempuan yang sholeha

perempuan yang paling high

yang punya pendirian dan terus hidup diatas prinsip 

yang secure dengan value hingga menjadi perempuan yang high quality 

yang berkualitas akan kuat secara finansial dan auto matic akan memiliki 

beauty pada paras, hati dan jiwa 

yang cantik karena cerdas, smart dan beriman akan kalah dengan yang cantik rupa tapi no value 

rencanakan masa depanmu 

tentuan tujuanmu dan raihlah mimpimu sampai yang kamu nantikan 51:49

"dan segala sesuatu kami ciptakan berpasang-pasangan agar kamu mengingat kebesaran Allah" 

QS Az Zariyat ayat 51 ayat 49 akan datang melengkapi kesuksesanmu.

selamat berjuang 


Selasa, 11 Oktober 2022

you tell about yourself, history and other fun things

you are more than enough

so don't choose people who don't think you deserve it

because someone who doesn't respect you 

only hinders your meeting with people who will appreciate you

so just let it go

don't waste your time

Senin, 10 Oktober 2022

Sepatah-patahnya

akan ada satu orang yang membuatmu patah, sepatah-patahnya

kamu akan jatuh dalam kehancuran dalam waktu yang gak menentu

sampai di waktu yang baik

ketika kamu udah capek

dengan semua sedih itu

kamu pun akhirnya bangun lagi dengan diri kamu versi terbaik

yang semua orang gak percaya bahwa kamu punya kekuatan itu

jadi, yang patah biarkan saja patah

gak akan bisa balik kayak semula juga kan?

lagi pula nantinya kamu akan lupa seperti apa rasa sedih dan sakitnya

kamu akan milih untuk maafin semuanya

kenapa?

karena kamu berhak dapat yang lebih dari ini

Minggu, 09 Oktober 2022

do you remember, you were speechless the night we met?

definisi bertemu di waktu yang tepat itu gimana sih?

ketika kamu dan dia saling menemukan 

padahal sama-sama tidak saling mencari 

dia membuatmu yakin bahwa dia bisa menyediakan bahagia 

dia membuatmu percaya bahwa tiap dengannya pasti kamu akan baik-baik saja 

kamu yang tak berniat jatuh cinta lagi 

tiba-tiba mencintainya tanpa sengaja 

semuanya mengalir begitu saja 

bahan kamu sendiri nggak tahu kenapa kamu bisa menyukai dia 

setelah sempat mengalami patah hati yang hebat

kamu tak ingin lagi membuka hati 

kamu menolak percaya pada cinta sejati 

tapi hatimu yang terkunci berhasil dia buka dengan cara sederhana yang dia punya 

hatimu merasa tentram tiap kali kamu dengannya berbincang 

pikiranmu rasanya terbuka untuk menerima saran dan masukan orang lain 

waktu yang kamu habiskan dengannya tak pernah terasa 

kamu selalu ingin berada didekatnya lebih lama

lalu kamu menyadari, hidup dengannya adalah pilihan yang sudah kamu yakini 

Tuhan mengirimkannya sebagai jawaban atas seluruh pertanyaan kemarin 

dia antara banyak pilihan yang ada 

kamu inginnya dengan dia 

di saat amu tak butuh dicintai 

dia datang dan meyakinkanmu berkali-kali 

dalam dirinya, kamu menemukan apa yang kamu butuhkan 

sedangkan dia menghargaimu sebagai bentuk kebaikan Tuhan 

lalu kamu memahami, ternyata kamu bertemu dengannya di titik terbaik menurut takdir 

Sabtu, 08 Oktober 2022

or even at midnight we finished watching, you tell stories about Raden Saleh's paintings

yang pacaran aja bisa putus

yang tunangan bisa usai di tengah jalan 

yang menikah bisa jadi sebulan cerai 

menurut saya, pembuktian cinta itu bukan KEPASTIAN 

sebab, siapapun bisa jangan meremehkan kayak "kalau serius, langsung datang kerumah temui orang tua"

itu gampang banget 

memang dimata agama dan sosial itu baik 

tapi apa kamu rela ngorbanin dirimu ke seseorang yang bahkan gak kamu enal 

hanya karena 1 poin dia berani memberi kepastian 

pembuktian cinta paling masuk akal adalah membuktikan diri sendiri 

jujur sama diri sendiri 

yang dulu sukanya main kesana-sini, sadari lalu berubah 

komitmen ke diri sendiri

nanti nggak selingkuh, nggak gampang minta pisah, nanti membatasi diri ke lawan jenis

setiap orang layak untuk siapapun selama dia mau pembutian cinta itu

dia lakuan ke dirinya sendiri 

Jumat, 07 Oktober 2022

i still remember our conversation about cigars

jika tujuanmu bersama pasanganmu itu sudah terniatkan 

maka Allah mengujimu dari segala arah 

bisa itu dari keluarga, materi, masalalu, pola pikir, bahkan cobaan yang lainnya 

memang itu nyata adanya 

bahkan setelah menikah pun ujiannya lebih berat dari yang kamu kira 

maka dari itu menikah itu berat 

makanya orang yang bisa melaluinya pahalanya begitu besar

namun yang bertahan dalam sebuah pernikahan juga butuh perjuangan seumur hidup 

bahkan baru setengah jalan banyak yang gagal dan berhenti 

jadi, yang ingin menikah semoga dimudahkan 

minta aja sama Allah banyak-banyak karena Allah emang sua ngelihat umatnya meminta padanya

menikah itu akan datang tepat pada waktuya

tetap berusaha sekuat yang kamu bisa ya

percaya saja takdir Allah yang telah ada 

Kamis, 06 Oktober 2022

sometimes miss you, but i only say your name in my heart

aku tahu kamu pasti udah capek banget 

aku cuma mau bilang ke kamu, kalau...

"hidup ini indah jika disikapi dengan IMAN."

kamu nggak perlu bersedih sebab usiamu 

karena jodoh tidak memandang itu

jodoh tidak tergantung dengan bentuk fisik

paras wajah atau pun usia yang sudah menua 

Allah sudah mengatur semuanya dengan sangat baik
jodohmu akan melihatmu tetap cantik dimatanya 

jodohmu akan melihatmu tetap istimewa di matanya, berapapun usiamu

beriman saja 

agar hatimu tetap tenang dan bahagia di masa penantian 

suatu saat kamu pun aan sampai di fase itu 

merasaan pernikahan yang indah, yang sudah sejak lama kau rindukan 

Rabu, 05 Oktober 2022

hearing the story now you are happy, unfortunately it's not me who makes you laugh

i have never been supported, appreciated an loved so unconditionally by a man before 

once i feel loved, they'd be gone 

it always ended up like that~

Selasa, 04 Oktober 2022

you are hers, not mine

frekuensi kita cocok banget 

you understand me more than anyone 

kamu memperlakukan aku dengan sangat amat baik 

sampai-sampai aku bisa sejatuh hati itu sama kamu 

apapun yang kamu lakuin buat aku 

aku selalu suka 

tapi sayang

"we have love, but the world has norms" 

kamu sudah mengikat cinta dengan yang lain 

kamu sudah keluar dari batas itu dan membuat aku menjadi hanya selinganmu saja 

aku yakin dia yang disana khawatir akanmu

pertemuan-pertemuan kita membuatku semakin bersalah 

saat aku mengingat semuanya hanyalah atas dasar ego mu saja 

Senin, 03 Oktober 2022

when it's hard to trust love again, you come but leave a wound

suatu saat Allah pasti akan mempertemukanmu

dengan seseorang yang telah tertulis di lauh mahfudz

seeorang yang memang sudah ditakdirkan untukmu

ia yang tidak akan memandang kekurangan-kekuranganmu

ia yang tidak peduli pada fisikmu

ia yang tidak melihat sisi burukmu

jika memang sudah berjodoh

bahkan kekurangan yang menurut versi kita

akan terlihat indah dimata seseorang yang telah menjadi takdir kita

begitulah Allah mengatur indera manusia

jadi tidak perlu khawatir dengan kelemahan-kelemahan yang kamu miliki hari ini

seseorang itu akan di setting Allah hatinya oleh Allah

untuk bisa menerima kamu sangat baiknya

seseorang itu, akan dirancan matanya oleh Allah

untuk bisa melihat keindahan-keindahan yang kamu punya

seseorang itu akan dibalikkan hatinya Allah

agar bisa jatuh cinta padamu

dengan sejatuh-jatuhnya

Minggu, 02 Oktober 2022

falling in love with you is not my fault

meeting you 

is the best times in my life 

i mean you showed me 

something i never felt before 

you truly made me 

falling in love with you 

without even trying 

Sabtu, 01 Oktober 2022

i still thinking of you, even just reading all our conversation

yang bukan takdirku 

aku ikhlas 

mulai detik ini aku telah ikhlas 

untuk menerima apa yang bukan takdirku 

aku telah ikhlas untuk membiarkan kepergiannya 

meski awalnya sulit

seperti perjalanan ke puncak gunung tertingi 

tapi ketika aku telah terbiasa? 

semuanya menjadi biasa saja

kini aku biarkan luka ini terbang 

terhapus bersama air mata yang jatuh untuknya 

aku percaya bahwa 

takdirku telah Allah tetapkan 

akupun yakin yang ditakdirkan untukku 

pasti menjadi milikku 

tidak akan menjadi milik orang lain 

ataupun direbut orang lain 

i believe it

Jumat, 30 September 2022

and once again, you've made me fall in love again Win

Yusuf pernah Allah pisahkan dengan Zulaikha 

Hawa pernah Allah pisahkan dengan Adam 

Ali pernah menyimpan cintanya pada Fatimah dalam diam 

namun pada akhirnya mereka dipersatukan dalam mihrab kehalalan

dia yang sudah Allah gariskan denganmu

tidak akan pernah melewatkanmu

sejauh apapun engkau pergi 

sebesar apapun engkau membenci 

Allah selalu memiliki ribuan cara untuk mempersatukanmu dan dia kembali 

demikian sebaliknya 

cinta tidak akan mendekat hanya karna jarak yang dekat 

cinta juga tida akan menjauh hanya karena jarak yang terlampau jauh 

dekat bukan hanya perihal jarak 

dan jarak bukanlah sebuah alasan untuk tidak menjadi dekat

Kamis, 29 September 2022

i hope this longing disappears, it is said that it is time to heal

after my last falling in love with you 

after my last relationship ended 

i made a pact with myself 

that i would never date somebody who do not meet "my standards" again

Rabu, 28 September 2022

it turns out that my heart is right, your love is just for other

dulu setiap doa malam nggak pernah nyebut soal pasangan 

mau dapet pasangan seperti apa dan yang gimana

pokoknya doa yang itu-itu aja 

kerjaan, pertemanan dan lain-lain 

tapi sekarang, setelah melewati proses dekat dan menghilang dengan seseorang 

ga pernah lupa berdoa minta sama Allah 

dijauhkan dari orang-orang yang singgah untuk sementara serta datang hanya untuk membawa luka

selalu berdoa buat pasangan 

siapapun itu dia jodoh saya nantinya 

cuman bisa berdoa supaya dia selalu dalam lindungan Allah

apa yang sedang ia kerjakan berhasil 

dan Allah selalu menyertai setiap langkahnya

pernah denger orang bilang "kalau minta sesuatu itu harus detail dan jangan setengah-setengah, mintalah sesuai dengan apa yang kamu mau dan spesifik." 



Selasa, 27 September 2022

sin i pray for you to get hurt, and leave her?

after i realised

it turns out that there is no need for a "friendzone" label 

because attraction to the opposite sex is normal

if it turns out he's not interested in you either

call it "bertepuk sebelah tangan"

i think we really have to change our mindset 

like the mindset of interacting with friendly guys

maybe he who takes his time for you just to spend his time

he who is there to help you is a way to show concern for others

even he who is with you right now doesn't mean he has feelings

Senin, 26 September 2022

we'll see, you'll come back to me any way, Win

after all i'm in your story

i don't regret

ever that sincere

in my version of the story

you're the best

you who never lie 

even though in the end 

i know all your words are just bullshit

sorry i made a lot of mistakes

hurt and hurt it's us

not just me or you

not to bother you

i'm trying

so don't be bastard anymore, honey

Minggu, 25 September 2022

my sad song's playlist now relates to me who hopes you come back, Win

i never gave you hope

all i do is my manners when i meet someone

you ask i answer

if you want to talk

i'm willing to listen

you are good to me

i'm good to you too

so

why are you acting like i gave you hope

don't have high expectations when someone is nice to you

it doesn't mean he gives you hope

maybe he's just doing his job as a normal human

Sabtu, 24 September 2022

it feels like just yesterday, you tightly held my hand

you will be fine 

you will be alright 

you will get yourself back 

you will get anything what you want

anything you wish for 

anything what you need 

anything what you prayed for 

yes, you will come back stronger 

and be happy again 

forget all the pain 

and traumatizes you have ever had

Jumat, 23 September 2022

hi, i miss you a lot Win

dibilang trauma juga enggak atau gak mau percaya lagi 

tapi di usia yang sekarang ini lebih butuh sama yang pasti 

bukan yang harus beriringan tapi ga jelas arahnya mau kemana 

ini bukan tentang pemilih 

tapi semakin dewasa semakin sadar

kehidupan bukan hanya tentang cinta 

ada banyak tanggungjawab yang harus ditunaikan 

ada masa depan 

juga ada keluarga yang harus diperhatikan 

jadi, kalau ketemu sama dia yang hanya ingin dikejar 

makan aku biarin aja dia berlari 

sementara aku kembali fokus menjalani hidup 

nyaman dengan diri sendiri, berkarier 

sampai bertemu dengan seseorang yang sama-sama ingin hidup brsama

yang tidak hanya ingin dikejar

tapi juga yang sama-sama mau berjuang dan saling menerima 

Kamis, 22 September 2022

aku sudah selesai mencintaimu Jik

"Ternyata nggak semudah itu aku ngelupain kamu." Aku memulai pembicaraan kita. 

Sudah hampir satu jam, kita hanya berdiam. 
 
Kau dan aku bersebelahan di dalam mobilmu. 
 
Kau sibuk dengan ponselmu, aku sibuk dengan ponselku. 
 
Ini pertemuan kita yang pertama setelah kita lama tidak berjumpa. 
 
Pada akhirnya kita saling memutuskan untuk bertemu kembali, untuk saling menjelaskan perasaan kita.

"Maaf ya aku jadi canggung gini. Jujur aku kangen banget sama kamu. Jujur aku juga susah buat lupain kamu, lupain kita." Tanganmu meraba punggung tanganku. 

Kita saling bertatapan. 
 
Sedih rasanya karena benar-benar selama ini ternyata kita saling merindu.
 
Tapi nyata-nya tak ada yang benar-benar saling menghubungi, Semuanya serasa dikubur dalam-dalam oleh ego masing-masing.
 
Tangan kita saling menggenggam. 
Erat.
 
Seperti kembali ke masa itu, dimana kau dan aku sering sekali menghabiskan waktu bersama

"Aku sering banget stalking sosmed kamu." katamu.

Aku tersenyum.
 
Jadi selama ini kita cuma egois saja?

"I do the same. Aku sering buka chat lama kita di direct message, mengetik panjang lalu menghapusnya. Aku sering banget pengen nge-DM kamu, tapi aku takut. Takut kamu ganggu kamu." 

"Ganggu apa? Kenapa sih kita ini haha." Kau melempar pandangan kedepan dan tertawa. "Sambil jalan yah?" Kau mulai mengemudikan mobil dan tanganmu kembali menggenggam tanganku. Dan tidak aku tepis.

Kau melanjutkan ceritamu, 
 
"Kamu sama aku itu sama-sama gengsi aja sebenernya. Egois sama perasaan kita masing-masing. Kita saling sayang tapi waktu itu bingung mau gimana. Jadi inget waktu aku mutusin buat ngelanjutin sekolahku, dan waktu aku nyampe kota ini, aku selalu berharap ketemu kamu. Sayang banget kayaknya Tuhan punya rencana lain. Aku gak pernah lihat kamu sama sekali." 

"Ya, Bagaimana bisa aku dan kamu berada di satu kota yang sama saat itu. Kita aja udah kaya orang asing satu sama lain, lama lost contact."

aku tersenyum melempar pandangan ke handphone mu yang tiba-tiba bergetar. 

"pacar kamu tuh nyariin."

"hmmm enggak kok." sambil segera memencet tombol off.

"nggak perlu sembunyi atau bohong dari aku kok. i know all about you. kan selama ini aku stalking kamu."

"kamu tahu kalau aku sama si..."

"kamu macarin mantan tunangan temen kamu, dan pacar kamu yang sekarang lagi jauh disana. aku tau semua."

aku melepas genggaman tangan kita.

"aku rasa, aku udah selesai kok ngerasain hal kayak jatuh cinta gitu ke kamu Jik. kayak rasa yang pengen banget bikin aku jatuh cinta dan sayang ke kamu udah hilang, sekarang aku cuma happy aja kita bisa keep in touch lagi kaya gini. saling ngertiin satu sama lain dan berdamai dengan apa yang udah terjadi di masa lalu."
 
aku tersenyum memandang keluar, kau menekuk mukamu. 
 
"kamu serius udah nggak ada rasa ke aku?"
 
"ya aku capek sih kalau jatuh cinta sendiri, cukup 3 tahun kemarin aku ngerasain sendirian jatuh cinta ke kamu."
 
"tapi aku kan juga jatuh cinta sama kamu, sayang aja kita lost contact dan gak ketemu."
 
aku menatapnya dan tersenyum.
 
"tapi perasaanku ke kamu sudah selesai Ajik. sekarang kita sudah sama-sama mencintai orang lain. ini waktunya untuk kita saling memahami bahwa nggak ada yang bisa diharapkan lagi."
 
dan akhirnya kita berdiam-diamanselama perjalanan, sampai akhirnya kau berhenti di sebuah parkiran pinggir pantai. 
 
"maafin aku yah, aku menjadi pecundang selama ini. nggak bisa ungkapin apapun ke kamu, sampai harus aku kenalin ke seniorku dan marah ke kamu untuk hal-hal yang gak penting waktu itu. mengubur semua rasa dan gak peduli sama perasaan kamu."
 
aku menghadapkan diri ke arahmu, memeluk tubuh bidangmu yang hangat. tanganmu melingkar dan kamu menangis di bahuku. 

"Ajik, it's strange how my mind still reminiscing the good old days and how i can still feel the broken pieces. but that's okay, all my feels for you are over~ . i still love you as a friend."

aku mengusap punggungnya, kau terisak. 

"can i back to you?" tanyamu dalam pelukan. 

aku menggelengkan kepalaku dan melepas pelukan kita. 

"we can't be back together, i think i'm done with you dear. terima kasih untuk yang kemarin."

aku mengusap air matamu. 

aku tahu ini bukan dirimu, bukan dirimu yang aku kenal. 
 
hanya hal sepele, kita yang tidak bisa bersama kau rela menangis. 
 
aku rasa ini hanyalah perasaanmu yang menginginkan kita kembali tapi tidak akan pernah bisa terulang kembali.
 
akhirnya kita sama-sama memaafkan dan berjanji untuk mencintai pasangan kita masing-masing. 
 

you now disappeared and erased everything

suatu hari nanti insyaAllah di waktu yang tepat 

yang sudah Allah rencanakan 

kita akan bertemu dengan seseorang yang memang 

dituliskan untuk kita

ia yang datang di hidup kita sebagai obat 

dari segala rasa sakit yang kita rasakan selama ini 

ia yang bersedia menerima segala kekurangan dan kelebihankita 

tanpa sedikitpun mencela 

ia yang menjadi pelabuhan terakhir 

dari sekian orang yang hadir tanpa kepastian 

kali ini ia datang dengan keyakinan, keberanian dan penuh dengan tanggung jawab 

ya dia datang karena Allah gerakkan hatinya menuju ke arah kita 

sebagai wanita terpilih dari sekian banyaknya wanita yang menginginkannya diluar sana 

itulah janji Allah 

pada hamba-Nya yang bersabar 

doa-doa yang dilangitkan kini ia merasakan balasan apa yang selama ini di doakan 

hadir dan tiba dihadapannya

tidak mampu berkata-kata hanya berbicara dalam hati 

TERIMA KASIH YA ALLAH 

tetap tenang dalam kesendirian dan jangan lelah berdoa 

Allah tahu mana yang terbaik untuk hambanya 

waktunya Allah tidak akan terlambat dan tidak akan lebih cepat

tapi akan tepat pada waktunya

Rabu, 21 September 2022

you kissed my hand and looked happy at that time

bagaimana kejelasana status relationship kamu

berhubungan erat dengan kedewasaan dan kesiapan 

untuk memulai 

kalau belum mulai aja udah gak jelas

udah panggil sayang tapi status belum pasti 

ke depannya hubungan akan banyak insecure-nya 

bingung mau dibawa kemana 

without clarity 

there's always be insecurity 

ibarat kalian berdua sedang berada diatas perahu

tapi nahkodanya tidak tahu mau berlabuh keman a

hanya ikut arus ombak 

pusing lama-lama kan? yang ada jadi mabok

hargain waktu kamu, energi, tenaga, tangisan kamu 

jangan semua terbuang sia-sia

he who truly deserve your heart 

will bring clarity for you relationship and not insecurity

Selasa, 20 September 2022

i hope you're happy, but don't be happier

ketika kamu masih belum punya hubungan yang sah dengan seseorang 

buka mata kamu sebesar-besarnya untuk melihat bagaimana dia sampai sedalam-dalamnya

dan buka telinga selebar-lebarnya untuk mendengar tentang bagaimana orang lain menilai dirinya 

tapi ketika kamu sudah memilih dia untuk jadi suami kamu 

tutup mata kamu serapat-rapatnya dan tutup telinga kamu sekuat-kuatnya

setelah ijab qabul selesai 

dan saat itu kamu hanya bisa menerima dan menjalani dengan orang yang kamu pilih 

bukan lagi mencari tau seperti apa 

orang yang kamu pilih

Senin, 19 September 2022

i'm sure you will regret it, Win

hari ini mungkin cintamu diabaikan 

suatu saat pasti akan dicari 

hari ini setiamu ditertawakan

suatu saat pasti dirindukan 

hari ini tulusmu tak dihargai 

suatu saat akan jadi penyesalan 

untuk siapapun yang tidak menghargai

Minggu, 18 September 2022

you really let me down

lebih baik kecewa karena tulus dan setia dengan seseorang 

daripada harus menyesal

larena sudah menyia-nyiakan orang yang tulus, setia dan selalu ada buat kita 

terlalu pecaya lalu di tinggalkan 

itu lebih baik 

daripada hidup terus dihantui dengan rasa bersalah dan penyesalan

Sabtu, 17 September 2022

say, feel, forget

terima kasih Tuhan 

Engkau telah menggerakan hatinya 

karena mulai hari ini dan seterusnya 

ia selalu memikirkanku

di manapun dan dengan siapapun ia berada 

sedang apapun ia sekarang 

hanya aku yang ada didalam pikirannya 

hanya aku satu-satunya wanita yang ia inginkan kembali

Jumat, 16 September 2022

i still remember the way you stared at me

i still remember the way you stared at me 

and the way that lips smile for me 

i still remember in that moment 

i feel really loved by you 

i hope you're happy with someone you choose 

and i will still remembering your baby face forever

Kamis, 15 September 2022

can we repeat, Win?

i'm really thankful to have you in my life

 though its just for a short time and i'll never regret meeting you 

it's technically a goodbye 

for now 

but if we are meant for each other 

we'll meet again eventually

Rabu, 14 September 2022

i swear you will think of me every day

terima kasih sudah menjadi bagian dari pendewasaan 

setelah ini kamu tidak akan lagi mendengar kabarku 

dan akupun tak akan lagi mendengar kabarmu 

terima kasih untuk segala kenangan dan pembelajaran ini 

tenang saja aku bukan manusia amatir yang ingatannya harus dipakai menyimpan dendam 

lalu amnesia terhadap segala bentuk kebaikan 

terima kasih juga sudah menjadi manusia paling brengsek di hidupku 

meski menyebalkan kamu sangat menyenangkan 

meski tangisku pernah pecah karena sikapmu terutama semua kebohonganmu 

tetapi 3 kali pertemuan itu kamu isi juga dengan senyuman 

tapi sekarang sudah waktunya untuk benar-benar selesai denganmu 

untuk itu sampai jumpa nanti dan selalu ingat bahwa aku pernah menjadi yang paling cemas 

sebelum akhirnya menjadi yang paling ikhlas

Selasa, 13 September 2022

even when you tell me about yours

ternyata bener

nggak ada yang namanya kebetulan di dunia ini 

akan ada suatu alasan kenapa kita dipertemukan oleh seseorang 

entah emang kehadirannya mengubah hidupmu 

atau mungkin malah kamu yang mengubah hidupnya 

jadi ingat kalau suatu saat berpisah, artinya tugas dia udah selesai 

tidak boleh ada yang di ingat rasa sakitnya 

anggap semua menjadi pelajaran pendewasaan diri

Senin, 12 September 2022

or when you said that we should meet every day

mas...

i guess when i'm away from you 

i'm getting better 

but on the day like this

when my heart is so heavy and i have a lot things to tell 

the first person that came into my mind is you 

you who belong to someone else

the person I can never have

three times that impressed me with the look in your eyes that i admired 

hopefully later we can explain each other

who will always remember me wherever you are

Minggu, 11 September 2022

remember when you held my hand for the first time

i'm not going to move on 

i have already told you that 

no matter what you do or what i do 

some part of me will always be stuck on you 

why?

i have no idea 

maybe because you're the first person i've truly 

unconditionally loved

maybe because you're the only one who's able to put me under this much hurt

no matter the reason,

i could never stop loving you "E"

Sabtu, 10 September 2022

and as long as you don't apologize, you'll always think about me in your mind

no it's not love

i'm not even the only one who feels it

he brings happiness

he makes me happy

he makes everyone in the room laugh

we never talk about love 

when it's actually quite distrubing

we only talk about funny things and have fun together

some people say that girls and boys

have a hard time making friends

and i thin that's so true 

but that doesn't mean we aren't there for each other

well, some things are better confused than too obvious

Jumat, 09 September 2022

you will beg me and apologize for everything

the right definition of a person

people who can make you talk freely without fear of being judged

people who accept all shortcomings and always support you to be better

people who can make you feel calm and understand your feelings

who are willing to fight together

who are able to control their emotions 

and who are always willing to improve

the point is that if you are with him

you can be yourself without having to pretend to be someone else

Kamis, 08 September 2022

you and i shouldn't have met or you shouldn't lied

maybe you don't end up with the person your heart chooses

maybe that's not how life works 

maybe you don't get what you want 

maybe you end up finding what you need 

and maybe the universe knows what you need more than you do 

maybe love changes 

maybe it goes from "i'll wait up and call you after work" to "i'm going to sleep, i'm tired."

maybe it goes from "you have nothing to worry about " to "i really wish you didn't overthink so much"

maybe it goes from "i choose you" to "I have to choose myself right now"

maybe love isn't one of those things that grows with certain people

maybe you become too big for it

maybe it becomes too uncomfortable, too small for who you change into 

maybe it's like that sweater you always loved growing up or you childhood bed 

you learn to appreciate it for what it was, but you come to terms with the fact that you have outgrown it

you learn to let it go 

and maybe letting go of love isn't some loud celebration at the end of a dark tunnel 

maybe letting go is the moment you decide that you can no longer keep the past alive inside of you 

maybe it is quiet, maybe there is no checklist or way of telling if it has actually 


Rabu, 07 September 2022

you will always thinking of me

marry a man who loves you with every beat of his heart
man who think about you at one point
a man who doesn't ignore you when you're not feeling well
marry a man who listens to you when you talk about your interests
marry a man who can make your days feel alive
man who doesn't care about your flaws
because many of them are together but don't feel safe
remember you don't have to be too happy the important thing is to be calm 
then it doesn't need to be too bright, it just goes on and doesn't go out

Selasa, 06 September 2022

i will give you time

Hold on a sec

Can we take a breath together? 

Just one deep breath, right now 

Because we've been through a lot 

You've been through a lot 

You've been through a lot in your life, and you've been through a lot by moving through this so far 

How do you feel? 

If you feel unsettled or unsteady, don't worry 

It's normal 

Confronting memories, especially the most traumatic ones, and sitting with them

is a big deal

Remember to give yourself time and space to feel  good during this process

What makes you feel good?

Perhaps it's going for a walk in nature 

Having a coffee with a friend 

Spending an evening in with a loved one 

Going to the cinema 

Cuddling your pillow 

Playing with your cat 

You deserve to do the things that lift your spirits and soothe your soul 

This healing process doesn't have to be all hard 

Life is still a big

Beautiful experience to be lived 

You're still a miraculous arrangement of atoms 

A Unique expression of energy and you're meant to be here 

Just smile and enjoyed

Senin, 05 September 2022

when you come back i will forgive you but not to love you

you deserve to be happy 

jangan berjuang sendirian 

pertahankan apa yang pantas di pertahankan 

saat sudah terlalu berat untuk bertahan 

maka cobalah untuk lepaskan secara perlahan 

one of the best ways to let go 

hidup hanya satu kali 

yang menghargai kita pertahankan 

jika tidak tinggalkan 

kamu tidak akan pernah menemukan orang yang benar 

jika kamu tidak pernah melepaskan orang yang salah

Minggu, 04 September 2022

you still owe your stories and lies to me

sebelumnya aku berfikir kalau komunikasi adalah kuncinya 

sampai aku sadari bahwa pemahamanlah kuncinya 

it's all about understanding

kamu bisa mengkomunikasikan semua hal yang kamu ingin dengan seseorang 

tapi kalau mereka nggak paham sama kamu 

it's silent chaos

Sabtu, 03 September 2022

when we looked at each other at our first dating

Siapapun dia yang masuk dalam hidupku 

Sebesar ataupun sekecil apapun perannya adalah sudah dituliskan 

Apapun peristiwa yang terjadi dalam hidupku 

Sepenting ataupun seremeh apapun, adalah juga sudah dituliskan 

Apa yang harus aku khawatirkan? 

Jika aku dibuat-Nya begini, menjadi seperti ini, di jalan ini

Maka ini bukanlah trial dan error-nya

Tuhanku atas hidupku

Bukan lahan coba-coba bagi Dia untuk hidupku 

Sekuat apapun aku menolak dan menghindar, bila itu sudah disahkan atas hidupku

Maka bagaimanapun caranya hal itu akan tetap terjadi jua 

Begitupun sebaliknya

Karena tidak ada selembar pun daun yang jatuh tanpa ijin-Nya

Jumat, 02 September 2022

either way you will come back to me

the time will come 
you will look back

and smile

thank God I have made it through these difficult times

Kamis, 01 September 2022

you will definitely come back to me

dengan menyebut nama Allah yang pengasih lagi maha penyayang 

aku bersumpah kau tidak akan pernah bisa melupakan aku seumur hidup 

kau akan tersiksa merindukanku 

pikiranmu hanya ada aku dan kenangan kita 

hilang nafsumu pada yang lain dan mati rasamu pada siapapun wanita yang kamu lihat 

kau akan merasa sangat kehilanganku karena aku yang terbaik 

turunkan gengsimu agar kau ungkapkan kerinduanmu kepadaku 

wajahku menghantui pikiranmu setiap kau menghembuskan nafas

Rabu, 31 Agustus 2022

our first date on Bee Hive

at our first match at bumble on April 16 2022

i chatted you for the first time 

"nice to meet you"

and the chat lasted from April to August yesterday.

in that chat we are not intense. sometimes i take a long time to reply to your messages. sometimes you take too long to reply. 

i think it's normal and like "okay it's also a dating app, don't worry too much about it."

but from May 15 to July 22, i still remember never replying to your messages at all haha. 

i was doing basic training in Surabaya at that time. so it's not possible to reply and i'm too lazy to get to know new people.
 

finally July 22 i replied again because, i haven't replied since May.

you introduce yourself, you are from Klaten

you works at a bank

your bio says 'Team Leader Product Development at Financial Institution' 

but i didn't know that was a high position in your company 

July finished our conversation

i just replied to you on August 16, our chat was really long at that time. August 22 you just replied.

finally after a long time you said you wanted to take me to see a movie even if i couldn't, you would take me home to Banyuwangi

i said yes to your invitation to watch on August 29. because i feel, "yes i just try." 

although we should have moved to instagram or whatsapp first before we met.

after all, i think, "this is our first meeting, so if you and i don't meet again, that's okay."

you invited me weekday after office, but i always wanted to go on Friday only, but you asked again. Wednesday or Thursday can or not? because we have an appointment on Friday.

"if tomorrow wednesday or thursday, can't you?" you said.

"yes i can, why can't you on Friday?"

"on Friday, it turned out that there was a guest from the head office, afraid it would be over late."

"oh i see, okay let me know whether it will be or not tomorrow."

"yes, where will i pick you up later? at half past 7 is it okay?"

"just pick me up in front of the hospital, i'll let me know when you on the way ya." 

and you finally set out to find me, from so far away to meet me here. i'm between happy and "huh, isn't it really?"

"i was about to arrive. i was just about to cross a red light."

"okay, which side are you wearing? pap."

you sent a photo of your half shoulder wearing a navy color shirt.

"i'm embarrassed to take selfies. i'm next to the emergency room and wear a black shirt"

i'm sitting in the office, directly meet you in front. at first, i was surprised by your figure, didn't want to have high expectations but you really came.

i remember when you first looked at me, you were shocked.

"hi, i'm **win." we shake hand

"hi, i'm Lia."

"you're really tall."

i see we're almost the same height when I wear wedges.

"oh, this is because i wear wedges. which side shall we go to?" i asked for your vehicle.

you pointed to the latest avanza car with plate B, silver one. 

ok, this is the first time i've been picked up on a date by car, because i usually only use motorbikes.

when you got to the car, you said you were nervous and laughed because you were surprised to see how beautiful i was that night. you praise me.

when we both took off our masks, we smiled at each other and i said,

"is it the same as the photos? haha."

"yes, according to my expectations." you said blushing.

then you drive your car and all the way to the cinema, you tell a lot of things about you.

even i convinced once again.

"hmm...you're not someone's boyfriend, are you? you're not married and even have children, right?"

you say ya Allah ya Allah and laugh, "if i have a girlfriend or get married why am i playing bumble?"

okay i'm a little calm, at least i do avoid meet up with other people's partners or other people's husbands.

along the way, you tell stories that you have hepatitis B, you tell stories you want to be an army, you tell the history of Soebandi hospital, tell everyone on the road and several times say , 

"sorry, i'm just telling stories."

"it's okay, i'm glad to hear that." i said

you continued your story and your story was really fun. as long as you told me, i looked at you several times and muttered to myself. "is he the one? i hope he is, ya Allah. aamiin". hopefully, even though i didn't want to hope haha.

after a long time i didn't go on a movie date with a stranger, finally i'm on a movie date again. 

i hope it's not as weird as my first tinder date. because, i had a bad impression when i went on a tinder date and watched a movie together haha. suck.

that night we will watch Sayap-Sayap Patah. you finally choose to watch it at XXI Transmart. we choose the seat first in the m-tix application in the car. then walk again and i accompany you who have not had dinner.

i just ordered a green tea drink.

after eating, i just found out you smoked. 

even though in your bumble bio it says "never smoking" "never drink"

but i understand.

"oh yeah, what's your whatsapp number?"

i see there are 2 cellphones that you have. i said my number.

i didn't suspect anything at all, because i didn't want to have high expectation for all of this.

after eating, we go to the cinema, the thing i learned from you is that you love to talk and be listened to.

we print the ticket and go inside. 

in the cinema, i held my aching hand, i forgot the story that when i closed the car. i pinched my thumb and it hurt so bad. until it feels like i can't feel my own thumb. i massaged my thumbs. you next to me feel guilty 

i think, i know your modus of holding my hand. i read it from your gestures and the way you stare. i finally let our hands hold each other while watching the cinema. this is my first bumble date, but i'm willing to hold hands with strangers and i feel okay with it all. i feel comfortable around him even though this is our first meeting. 

he also felt the same. 

i asked, "uh, it's okay, we're like this, aren't we?"

"it's okay. are you okay?"

"yes, i am. when was the last time you were like this?"

"hmm, last year. how about you?"

"around 2019."

yes, even though the last time i really held hands with someone, was with my ex who was in 2013. 

after that it was just a handshake, high fives and even holding hands with tinder's first date in 2016 because he were forced. 

i did in 2022, but it's an orientation time game. haha NOOB.

finally we enjoy the film by holding hands. playing hand gestures, holding hands, rubbing between fingers, gripping tightly, playing on the back of your hands, holding your arms. 

btw, our hands are almost the same size, because usually a man's hand grip is bigger. but i feel our hands are the same.

we both seem to really enjoy the movie and the way we hold hands. i know this is wrong, but i haven't felt this in a long time. been a long time and i was happy that night. i'm sure you too.

sometimes we tell stories in the middle of the film, whispering to each other. admiring Ariel Tatum and Nicholas Saputra in the scenes. i know you enjoyed mas Win~

we came home at midnight, i was very happy that night. 

i don't want to stop holding your hand. but after the movie and we walk to the car, i don't dare hold your hand anymore. 

but on the way to the car, you tried to put your arm around my waist but i interrupted because i was shy, so i gently held your arm.

in the car you tell a lot of things too, but we never go in the direction of a relationship because I think, this is the first time. it turns out that you really want to see me again, you even said.

"well, i'm about to come. how about we sleepcall? eh..."

"it's just my first bumble date, this is my first date. i'm still excited"

even, "do we continue like this every day so we don't feel lonely?"

"we'll meet again this weekend. i'll texting you soon."

after that we shook hands and said goodbye to each other.

that night, i really brought feelings to you.

you really made me feel comfortable and fell in love after a long time.

i didn't feel this long time, feel special and number one.

after you came home you chatted again via whatsapp and thanked me for tonight, you bothered me until i was salting that night and couldn't sleep.

mas Win, that's our first bumble date. i will tell you again in the second and third meeting before you finally become a coward to this day.

Rabu, 10 Agustus 2022

Saling Mendukung Sesama Perempuan

aku tidak peduli soal fisik

karena aku melihat value seseorang bukan dari fisi

bahkan fisik itu aku tutup 

ketika memutuskan untuk berhijab saat itu

aku juga gak merasa diri aku cantik

aku hanya fokus menjadi wanita mandiri 

satu hal yang membuat aku bangga bukan dipuji canti

tapi ketika aku bisa berdiri sendiri

tanpa meminta bantuan dari yang lain

bahan aku yang ingin memberi mereka yang terbaik dan make them proud

semoga yang aku tulis bisa menjadi motivasi dengan diambil yang baiknya 

dan aku selalu insecure dengan perempuan yang prestasi atau pekerja keras

itu yang memotivasi aku

aku juga sangat mengagumi perempuan yang shalihah

muslimah yang bener-bener mengejar ridho Allah

mari kita saling mendukung sesama perempuan 

dengan tidak saling menjatuhkan 

yang aku lakukan kadang pun tida 100% benar

aku bakalan sangat belajar banget untuk dapat mengontrol perasaan dan sosial media aku

Minggu, 10 Juli 2022

Should You

it is the two parents who cry so that their children can laugh

they go through sorrow so that their children can be happy

and they endure hardship so that their children can have ease

it is the parents who go through hunger so their children can be fed and go through thirst so their children can be quenched

they are like a candle that burns and melts away so that their children can find light

treating parents well is a trust that children bear the duty of and no one should try to let it grow old

on the contrary with the passing of days and years, people should let it be increased in beauty, consistency and renewal

Jumat, 10 Juni 2022

Hidup Bahagia

cara Allah berlaku adil adalah bukan tiap orang diberi harta dan kekayaan yang sama

tapi orang kaya dan miskin sama-sama bisa bahagia

jadi jangan pernah bercita-cita jadi kaya tapi tidak di tambah bahagia

karena kaya itu bonus

bercita-cita lah hidup bahagia

karena orang kaya belum tentu bahagia

tapi orang yang bahagia pasti merasa kaya

Selasa, 10 Mei 2022

Simpan Untuk Dirimu Sendiri

banyak yang mau tahu masalahmu tapi tidak benar-benar peduli

malah bisa jadi setelah ia tahu, lantas tertawa di balik kata "sabar ya, yang ikhlas. i'm here for you if you ever need me"

makanya penting menurutku buat masing-masing dari kalian betul-betul punya sosok sahabat yang baik

gak perlu sosial media tahu semua ceritamu

gak perlu semua jadi konten, senang, sedih 

simpah dalam circl kecilmu saja

karena belum tentu orang mampu menempatkan diri mereka dalam posisimu, ngerti perasaanmu~

Minggu, 10 April 2022

Semua adalah Seleksi Alam

pada akhirnya, seleksi alam perihal jodoh itu benar adanya

yang memang bukan jodoh pasti akan tersingkir dengan sendirinya, walaupun menyakitkan

dan yang berjodoh, akan tetap didekatkan dan dipersatuan dengan cara apapun meskipun banyak air mata

perdebatan, masalah dan proses pendewasaan diri 

yang akan dilalui sebagai bentuk pengenalan diri satu sama lain sebelum menuju pernikahan

karena menikah bukan perkara mudah

ada 2 karakter yang akan dipersatukan dalam ikatan suci pernikahan

jodoh itu bukan cerminan diri

tetapi saling melengkapi kekurangan dan kelebihan pasangan 

karena nggak akan ada orang yang 100% cocok

melainkan 2 orang yang sama-sama saling melengkapi, memahami dan bersyukur memiliki pasangannya

Kamis, 10 Maret 2022

Noted This

for some people who never experience a trauma

it must be hard to understand how hard it is go on with life 

when the very person who causes the trauma walk around freely

even being praised by the entire world

to some extent, the victim could also question if their experience and feelings are valid

because it feels like they are the only one who can't see the good in perpetrator

while everyone ese is literally head over heals with him

it make them feel confused and alone and miserable

so there is no such thing as standing with the victim

and at the same time caring about the futur of the perpetrator's career

NO, who are you fooling? yourself?


Kamis, 10 Februari 2022

Ikhlas Terbaik

ikhlas terbaik adalah...

tetap mendoakan dan tidak membalas orang yang menyakiti atau berbuat kurang baik ke kita

tidak mengungkit kebaikan atau pengorbanan tulus yang sudah kita kasih untuk orang lain

menerima semua ketentuan Allah dengan rasa syukur


Senin, 17 Januari 2022

Don't Be F00L

don't let social media fool you

there are people with only 3-9 likes

who have plenty of friends 

people with 100+ likes who are lonely in life

couples who look so happy together

yet are miserable as hell

couples who don't post pictures together but are in beautiful

loving relationships

people who know each other very well 

but appear as strangers

people who are up to their neck in debt yet

appear to live lavishly on Instagram

remember, this is not a real life

appearances are just that, appearances...

Senin, 10 Januari 2022

Pick Wisely

marriage is hard 

divorce is hard

choose your hard

obesity is hard 

being fit is hard

choose your hard

being in debt is hard

being financially disciplined is hard

choose your hard 

communication is hard

not communicating is hard 

choose your hard

life will never be easy

it will always be hard

but we can choose our hard